Best Friend
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Dean Pelton tries yet again to be Jeff's best friend, so Jeff blurts out to him that Annie is already his best friend – then tries to figure out if he meant it.


"So Jeffrey, I have a big weekend planned for myself." Jeff knew exactly where Dean Pelton was going with this as he caught up to him in the halls that Friday. So he hoped to squash it quickly before his weekend, brain and stomach were ruined.

"If you're asking me to join you at the mall, the answer is no. If you want to invite me to a Dalmatian fashion show, the answer is no for the ninth time. And if your "sister" is visiting and needs a tour guide, I won't even pretend that it's not you in disguise, so know that going in. But there's no need to, since the answer is still no," Jeff slammed shut. Dean Pelton was taken aback as Jeff planned, yet he lit up far sooner than he hoped for.

"You didn't say anything about reviewing the ninth draft of 'Dean Dangerous'! I got you there, Jeffrey, give me that!" the Dean bragged.

"All right, between that and another no, you're making out like a bandit here. Maybe if you'd asked me to read the fourth draft, I'd have time, but I'm probably booked until the 18'th draft. Shame, really," Jeff lamented, although he made a mental note to break in the Dean's office and read at least the sixth draft on Monday.

"Okay then….I can tell you have a busy weekend as well, I understand that," Dean Pelton started before Jeff closed another loophole. "Yeah, well since I changed my e-mail address today, you can't hack in and find out for sure."

"Oh come on, you already changed it three days ago! OCD much, Jeffrey?" was all Dean Pelton had to retort with.

"It's true, I keep changing my e-mail and doing it over and over. Stuff like that, and bugging uninterested people into being best friends, just gets way too repetitive. It's time we accept that and try something original; and as Dean, you'd set a shining example if you went first. Of course, _not _trying to be my best friend will get repetitive too, but you can make it to a year-and-a-half before getting canceled, I just know it!" Jeff promised, mixing his sarcasm and a dash of Abed TV satire.

"A year and a half, that's a weird estimate….hey, wait, _you're _leaving in a year-and-a-half! I gotta get canceled way sooner than that if we're going to be besties!" Dean Pelton realized as Jeff tried to finally get clear of him, but ultimately failed. "Jeffrey, come on! Isn't it time we moved past the 'will they, won't they' phase of our bromance by now? I want to consummate our bestie-ship at some point, and it's way past time you settled down with a best friend too!"

"Well, I already have a best friend, her name's Annie! So you're a little late!"

A second after Jeff said that, _both _he and Dean Pelton yelled out "What?" for different reasons.

"Annie? Look, I love her too and her grades are pretty much keeping this place open. But I don't know if she's best buddy material." Jeff didn't answer since he wasn't listening to the Dean anymore – for real this time. But Pelton just went on anyway. "If it's the boobs, I can grow those in a month! I gained enough weight that first month without you two summers ago to reach a B cup! If you're asking for a C, there's only so much ice cream out there, and you know that! So lay off with your unrealistic standards for fat!" the Dean broke down before finally leaving Jeff alone in the halls.

Jeff had tuned him out long ago, just like he tuned out most things during one of his Annie spells. Yet this one was different, which was a great relief in one aspect. After all, he was only debating why he called her his best friend, instead of thinking of her as….other things. But knowing the Dean, he'd probably blabber to Annie about what he said, then she'd read into it too much and force Jeff to shatter her delusions again.

Unfortunately, just telling her that he made it up to get the Dean off his back wouldn't cut it with her. After all, he didn't even come up with that plan in his head before he said it….and he did say Annie's name without a second thought. But it had to be because she was the most likely one that would lie for him if the Dean brought it up. That was all.

Of course she'd probably have big speeches from romance movies to convince him they were meant to be. Or she'd use terms from books and other stuff geniuses read to beat him intellectually. Well, he couldn't match Annie in romcom nonsense, so he'd have to go the other route…..even if it meant actual research and work. Only Annie could force him to do work without knowing she was doing it yet!

Jeff marched to the library and found an old copy of Webster's Dictionary. He then went to the empty study room and looked up the term "best friend" figuring there was something that would prove it didn't apply to Annie. But he had to settle for just looking up "friend" and finding definitions like "one attached to another by affection and esteem" and "a favored companion"

Maybe that didn't help entirely, yet Jeff could still break that down to prove what he said didn't hold up, at least to Annie. He couldn't do it too harshly, since he still probably needed Annie to lie to the Dean after he disproved her theories. Whatever they might be – and assuming she would hear about what Jeff said. But when it came to Annie, it was best to be prepared no matter how futile it was – although there was still that .01% of his brain saying it wasn't necessary.

Yet it'd be even less necessary when he proved Annie didn't fit the best friend definition. If he didn't have to give her that label….then other ones wouldn't be necessary either. So Jeff ran through the group to find someone else who fit the bill.

But he immediately had to cross Pierce off the list – he was even screwing him when he wasn't here. With that thought, he actually thanked God that brain reading technology hadn't been invented yet, and that Pierce was too old to work it anyway. Of course he'd probably stay alive long enough for it and put his brain in a robot just to screw him over…..but maybe it was time to get back on track here.

Shirley briefly got some consideration, since they had been getting along better lately. And since she did have a role in shaping Jeff's life from childhood, it had to count for something. Still, considering how his life was turning out, he couldn't entirely thank Shirley for that – plus it was hard to be best friends with someone who already had a best friend in Jesus. It was probably easier for her to be buddies with someone who couldn't talk back anyway.

Jeff then went to a more promising candidate in Abed. He was protective of him more than most others in the group, so that could qualify as affection. His sci-fi/movie/TV based insights were helpful about 40 percent of the time, so he held him in esteem for that. Still, if Jeff had to discount Shirley for being best friends with Jesus, Abed couldn't count either, since he and Troy were one combined super being from Dreamatorium world. For that matter, it ruled out Troy too….and that left the list down to two already.

Well, that meant Jeff would have to settle for Britta as his best friend. It actually made sense, really. Their similarities made them a rotten boyfriend-girlfriend-sex friend duo, but it made them more suited to be best friends. Since Britta was like him in many ways, Jeff certainly held her in esteem, and he did hold affection for her once upon a time.

Albeit not the kind of affection that he had for Annie at various points….

And it was hard to hold someone whose name was a screwing-everything-up verb in high esteem. At least not more esteem than a super genius who….actually did things that helped Jeff. Like get actual school work out of the way easier, or forgive him when he really screwed up, or drive him to save friendships, or give advice about wedding speeches that might have worked without alcohol….

And although Britta was a good partner for schemes and sex, she wasn't an ideal source to go to for _everything _– like stuff that involved feelings and stuff. But even in topics that didn't involve feelings and school, Annie was proving more adept there as well. So adept that she was really the only person whose advice Jeff followed without kicking and screaming – that much. Even when it made her uncomfortable, she got herself through to give Jeff help, support and…..other funny emotions.

Well, that discounted Annie right there – you can't feel funny, creepy and just plain wrong feelings towards best friends! That was the wrong kind of affection for certain, and it cast a shadow over everything else between them. That wasn't a problem with Britta anymore….leaving aside Annie's role in that too. Still, that also made it impossible for Jeff and Annie to be 'besties' too.

So that left Jeff and Britta, and that was that. They were best friends who could come to each other about anything. They teamed up to take on any obstacle, teased and tested each other and made them grow in ways they didn't with anyone else. They had fun just talking to each other more than anyone else. They wished they came to each other in the first place when their other friends let them down. They valued each other's wisdom and took comfort in it more than anyone else's, and they trusted each other on a deeper level than with anyone. They wonder what the other would do in a crisis and know it would probably be the right thing, even if it takes them too long to do it.

They fight and have gigantic differences sometimes, but drop it all at a moment's notice if the other needs them. Because no matter what, no matter what they feel or don't…..they want the other to be happy and successful more than they want it for anyone else. Maybe they even want it more than their own happiness sometimes, as illogical and lame as that is. Because no one else deserves it more after all they've been through, and all that they wish they could have been there to stop….

Jeff knew halfway through that none of this described him and Britta. Yet his mind kept going and rubbed it in anyway.

Okay, so that just meant Annie was more important than the rest of the group! But he had friends elsewhere that meant more! Like Alan….oh God, Jeff really was desperate if he thought of Alan. Then someone else at the firm….who he barely talked to in the last three years…..

Okay, but past best friends would make Annie pale in comparison! Like….or maybe...wait, _that_ guy was fairly useful in middle school…..but, if not him, then…..but there was…..

Who _was _there?

Even now, Jeff didn't like to admit that the study group was his first real group of friends. After all, friends weren't really important to him before, at least beyond their use as pawns. But now that he had a taste of real friendship, it brought some things to light that Jeff didn't like thinking about. Namely, that he had no real friends before coming to Greendale – and he never did.

That shouldn't have meant anything to him. But the facts were undeniable. And if he never had any real friends before three years ago….he never had a best friend either. Jeff never had a best friend that could have made his childhood a little better before he finally became awesome. He also never had a best friend to lord his success over as an adult…..or to make things easier for him when things weren't so successful.

He never had anyone that did anything for him like these people did. And that meant if he had a best friend in the group….it would be the first one he ever had. And that meant….

"Oh Jeff, there you are!" Right on cue, just like in one of Abed's movies. Of course Annie would show up now – she even sounded more butterfly-voiced than usual. Then Jeff turned and saw the most disturbing explanation.

But it could have been worse, since Dean Pelton could have skipped in with a full on Annie outfit on, instead of just an Annie wig and extra wide eyes. Even that was less disturbing than his Annie voice, which cooed, "Getting A's and keeping Greendale's grade curve up was just so exhausting, oh! Now I just want a nice, quiet weekend with my bestest fwriend! Disney reference!" he punctuated with another Annie gasp and eye flutter.

Jeff tried to get words out before he checked himself into a mental ward. "First of all….Annie's never said bestest or fwriend….at least get into character right," he got out.

"Come on, this is the best I had with my limited resources!" Dean Pelton said in his Annie voice, before clearing his throat and talking normally – by his standards. "I won't be done with the boobs until Monday, and do you know how long it takes to knit cardigans? We'll barely fit in our visit to TJ Maxx when I'm done!"

"Well, since I'm not going with you, you'll have more time to finish. You're welcome," Jeff stated, glad to be back in sarcasm mode – if not glad for the reasons why. But the Dean still didn't go away, as he merely took off his Annie wig.

"Jeffrey, you can keep giving me mixed messages all you want. But you can't deny what you feel forever, and if you're not careful, you might lose me in the process!" At that, Dean Pelton gagged a bit and Jeff briefly feared for his shirt. "Okay, maybe that was the grossest lie of all time, but the point is valid! When are you going to stop looking for best bros and sis's when there's the perfect match under your nose right here?"

Now Jeff felt uneasy enough to worry about _him _vomiting on his shirt – and he didn't know if it helped to see the _real _Annie coming in. "Dean? Shouldn't you be working on….whatever you work on besides costumes?"

"Oh, it's you…." the Dean poorly tried to sneer. "Don't worry, once Jeffrey confirms our weekend outing, I'll be on my way."

"No, I think you can leave him alone a little early," Annie shockingly said. "You can always hack into his e-mails later anyway."

"No I couldn't, he changed the address on me! But….I might have a few minutes before he changes it back!" the Dean realized, somehow forgetting that Jeff could hear him – and that Annie could too.

"So you admit you hack into Jeff's e-mails! I already knew it since Jeff told me, but still! Now I don't know much about hacking computers and proving you invaded Jeff's privacy. But if anyone could figure it out, wouldn't it be the smartest person here? If I was _motivated _to do it….like if someone wouldn't leave my friend alone over and over again….I could probably give the evidence to the board of trustees in 12 hours! That's not long enough to leave town with the right disguise, is it?" Annie "innocently" asked the Dean.

"Well, I, um…..no, a hot Latin cop could see through that one…..and even whitey might not be fooled by the other one," Dean Pelton conceded. Annie nodded knowingly, as the Dean finally saw he had no options left. "Oh, all right! But when I buy TJ Maxx jeans without Jeffrey that make me look hippy, I'm not taking the heat for it!" he vowed before marching off with his wig.

Jeff tried not to look _too _in awe of Annie, since she didn't need _more _blackmail material on someone. "Annie….that was….unexpected of you. Since when do _you _blackmail authority figures?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm not going to _do _it, are you crazy? I just wanted him to think I would so he'd leave you alone," Annie cleared up.

"You did, huh?" Jeff confirmed with a little more teasing. "I thought you'd say he's not all bad and I _should _hang out with him. Isn't that your solution for all my troubled relationships?"

"Well, yeah, but even _I _know he's better in small doses," Annie admitted. "He should lay off for a few weeks, so I'll probably be on his side again then. And maybe he'll fix his methods so you'll have no excuse not to give him a chance. But if he doesn't, I guess I can lord this over him for two more semesters."

Annie chuckled a bit as Jeff failed to contain his awe this time. Even though Annie wasn't a blackmail person….or someone who took Jeff's side over Pierce or Pelton or Leonard or Rich or Greendale's other demon spawns….she still got the Dean to back off. She didn't even notice the wig….and if she did, or figured out why he really had it, she didn't let it bother her.

She just sprung in and saved Jeff from an uncomfortable situation, with no questions asked and no conditions. No one else would have jumped in and did that for him…..or did it with as much success. She acted just like….

"You really are my best friend…." Jeff admitted – although he meant to use his inside voice. Or at least a voice that Annie couldn't hear, yet it was too late for that. "Jeff….are you serious?" Annie quietly asked.

"Well….why do you ask?" Jeff evaded, once again fearful of what Annie would read into this.

"It's just that, um…..I've never been anyone's best friend before. _Ever_. That's probably because I've never had one. I've never had any _real _friends until now, and I've never even thought I had a best one _here_." This took Jeff aback, as the very notion of Annie being unpopular sometimes did.

"I mean, Troy and Abed have each other, Shirley has Jesus, Pierce just thinks of me as a daughter, and Britta's….not _textbook_ best friend material. And I thought you and I were too…..well, uncertain to be _that _much…." Annie trailed off.

Jeff didn't know what to say either – since he already thought up almost everything Annie just said. Except for Pierce thinking of him as a daughter – although that might apply to Jeff in a more offensive way. Leaving that aside – thankfully – everything else matched his thoughts and experiences to the letter. And yet again, it astonished Jeff how he and Annie could be so different, and yet so freakishly similar in so many other ways. That combination _at least _had to make them healthier best friends than Troy and Abed….

Thinking like that startled him – enough to remember that Annie was still waiting for an answer. "Well, uh….maybe it makes sense anyway. If you want to nitpick, I've never really had real friends or a _best _friend either until now.…" Jeff left hanging, realizing it _was _all true at the same time he said it out loud. "Huh….I guess it doesn't hit you until you actually think about it," he admitted.

"It's better than having it rubbed in your face every day in high school, I guess," Annie offered. "That applies to grade school too, by the way….I mean, when it bothers you and all," Jeff reminded.

"Looks like we're both inexperienced in this….I guess that makes us best friend virgins. But now we've lost our virginity to each other," he tried to lighten up.

"Jeff!" Annie gasped in her usual scandalized screech – but this time she couldn't even contain a smile when she gasped. She tried to bite her lip to contain it afterwards, yet it was barely working, and Jeff could barely stop smiling as a result. Finally Annie contained her smile, stating, "I suppose it's not so bad. Since you _are _my best friend too, I'm glad I waited to lose.…that _v-word _to someone special," she admitted before looking flustered and nervous again.

Jeff figured Annie thought she implied too much, just as he feared he might have. However, he found himself caring less about that and more about setting her at ease – after all, he still owed her for today's favor. And maybe a few other things. "It's all right….I'm glad I lost it to someone special too," Jeff admitted, containing his disgust over being sentimental better than he thought. Assuming it was even there….

But if it was, it went away once Annie smiled her typical teary smile. Then she rubbed it in further by going over to hug him. After the usual uncertainty over how to handle close contact with Annie, Jeff finally relented and hugged his best friend back.

"So is this our version of Troy and Abed's handshake?" Annie asked into Jeff's arm. "Well, it's probably a bit too elaborate. You live with Troy and Abed, do they have a rejected handshake we can borrow from them?" Jeff checked, which made Annie take a step back.

"Really, Jeff? You're asking me to use a _rejected _handshake? You should know me better than that, it's probably best friend law or something!" Annie noted. "Then I guess the boob bump is out too?" Jeff outright teased, which earned another gasp but not as much of a smile this time.

Yet he did get her calm enough to try out other signature handshake ideas. They didn't really choose a winner, but they did kill the rest of the afternoon when they went into other conversation topics. It reminded Jeff that when he and Annie weren't….held back by their issues, he loved –_liked _– talking to her more than anyone else in the group. And now he supposed he liked it better than talking to _anyone _he'd ever met….

Jeff always refused to define their relationship in _that way_. But as it turned out, defining it in this way was far better than he expected. Not having this kind of friendship in his life had never bothered him before – and he _certainly _never imagined having it with a woman. Let alone one that he had….a theoretical attraction to. Yet now that he saw what he'd missed, defining Annie as….the first real best friend he ever had wasn't so bad. Not at all, really.

Plus now that they were "besties" it was one more reason not to go any further. There was even less reason to ruin everything by being together if they were already best friends. So with that loophole closed, it was a win win outcome.

Well….it was a win, anyway.


End file.
